Never be the same

Well, is there anyone who doesn’t like music? I guess not. Then, what’s on your playlist? Scrolling up my music playlist, I selected 20 songs to make a loop streaming so that I can listen to those songs the whole night. Then I found one song, hesitated for one second, and deleted all the other songs which I chose before. It was the song of a young, small Cuba lady, but no matter who the singer was, that song is my favorite, actually, it is a song that has all my high-school memories in it. It was <Never be the same>.

           It is not smell, not a place, but it was ‘song’ that reminds me of the moment in my life. However, whenever I listen to this song, I find the girl playing bass guitar shivering in front of everyone in her freshman year. Maybe she was scared because it was her first performance stage, and she barely knew the juniors and seniors, though, it was not her point of shivering. She was so nervous because it was her first time to play bass in front of her first love; she could hear nothing, see nothing, but just recognize him who standing all the way back in the auditorium.

            So, what was the problem of her while she was on the stage? Was her practice still too little to cover her anxiousness? Maybe not. Or maybe she was not so skillful on the stage. It was her first time. Or maybe she didn't like the song. No that's not true. It was one of her favorite songs from Kelly Clarkson. Then what was the matter?

           Digging up my memories back to 2018, I found that I was so poor at realizing myself that I was in love. Maybe it was not ‘love’, but it was sure that I liked someone at first sight right after I met him in my freshman year. At night when I realized that I like the guy who cheered me up playing bass guitar as a senior, I climbed up to my bed and started to select songs before I go to sleep. I just randomly selected the songs on the top lists, and when the melody lines and the steady rhythm of the song <never be the same> came out from my earbuds, I just found that this is the best song I've ever heard which pounds my heart. I listened to only that song, the whole night, reminding my first stage with my bass guitar in KMLA, and the moment and conversation that I had with the boy before I went up to the stage. From that moment, every time I think of him or any time I want to remind the moment with him, I settled sparkling earbuds and start the song, setting the song-option as 'infinity loop for this song'.

           Often I think that 2018 was the year full of my throbbing mind. It was my first time to stay apart from the home, first time to stay in the dormitory with friends, the first time to walk for a long time, first time to be in such a huge community. It was just a bunch of 'new thing'. New people, new environment, new sights, and new experiences. Perhaps that was why I found my new love and be obsessed with the song. The rhythm and the mood of the song was just enough for me to pump my heart again, but also the lyrics "never ever be the same" was the sign for me that the things that happen in this new world will never be the same, and also I, was never going to be the same, compared to before.

           Maybe some will think that the song <never be the same>was especially suited for me. In fact, the song is not about me, not specially made for me, though, it clearly reminds me of the moment when my heart was pumping so fast full of excitement about the new school year, and my first love. And maybe that's why whenever I hear the song <never be the same>, all of the memories and the reminiscence of the moment in my highschool life passes through my mind.

           Again, same as every night, I choose my playlist for my bedtime. There was a new song from the young Cuba Lady Camila Cabello, but as ordinary me, I choose <never be the same> and play that song infinitely until I fell asleep, full of the memory of a 17-year-old girl who wondered drama with her first love. Every year, as I grow up, and now finally becoming senior, it is true that the mood of the song is different from when I heard this song for the first time in my life when I was just 17, freshman. However, I believe that the changes in mood and sounds that come to me differently every year are the best reason why I listen to this song whenever I want to remind the past. As I became senior, it is really weird to think of the memory of freshman year, but by interpreting myself into the mood of 17, I learn and feel lots of things from the pure mindset and energetic moments that I was with this song. Every time, every year the song will feel differently to me as I build up my new experiences and interpret myself to this song in many different ways; Cause I'll never be the same.